You Came Too Late, Peter Pan.

it's raya eve. i can't help but to feel a little bit nostalgic. hmm. my mom, dad along with my brother and me broke our fast at home. mom cooked. tehee. as i was eating, i can't help but to notice mom's and dad's gray hair. they are getting old. maybe i'm not as little as i thought to be anymore. i've been denying the fact that i've just turned 20 this year. tskk Peter Pan where are you?

i think this raya is a bit more relaxed. i don't see mom over-exerting herself. previous years, she would stress herself out and became so moody on raya mornings xD but this year, raya is lonesome. i'm missing two of my older siblings, my brother and my sister. my brother left for Brussels last year, and this year my sister the stewardess got caught up with work, but will probably come home later tomorrow. next year? it would be my turn i guess. aihhh emo thoughts are emo. i can see mom is lonely with out brother. it's a gap than no other that my brother himself can fill in. i know i've been cold towards my parents. it's like, i don't really know how to show my affection to them. which totally don't make any sense since i have no problem at all expressing my love for my favourite korean idols who doesn't even know that i exist. but it's the truth yo. my mom always complained that she could not read what's going through in my mind. and that disappoints me from time to time because she should, and i'm hoping she would. why did i grew up being such a complicated person?

there's this little raya tradition that we have for every raya. making raya cookies. every year, i would be the one who insists on making them. so my mom would do so. she'll prepare the dough and i'll be the one in charge of the mass production. shape the dough, put them on the tray, bake them etc. soooo. if i'm not home for raya, the tradition would be a miss. i would be missed. i don't want people to miss me. it'll be too sad. i don't want to leave, and i don't want people to leave me as well. i'm selfish like that. but if i have to leave, i don't want to be missed. that is why i train so hard to be a ninja, so i won't be so noticeable. it would be okay even when i'm not there. i think. but the training is hard because i like being with people. some people.

bodoh la Peter Pan. come and take me away. palli palli juseyo.