Not Really an Update.

okies! update! >_<

actually, i don't update my blog because i hate the layout. i promise i'll change it by this weekend when i got my hands on some steady, consistent internet connection. for now, i'm gonna have to live with it.

living. haha.

SAPPY.

WARNING. THIS POST MAY BE OOT. (like all the others.)

i changed my bloggie layout. and i don't like it so imma change it again soon. i think. when i get the time.

do we really have to go to class next week? ~_~

come on intan. believe in the power of self suggestion. U CAN LIVE THRU THIS!

so. i'm changing. i'm stalking tracking my old friends on facebook and friendster. i even tracked down my highschool seniors and juniors. wah. dah tua mereka rupanya. so. last night i had a nice long chat with my old friends. one is from primary school, one is from secondary school, one is paah and one is exo. and truth be told, i'm not a fan of chatting. but i guess chats are nice, given the right time and person. so, i was so excited digging up info from zafirah, a friend from my primary days, that i asked too much that she may thought of me as an annoying pest. gomen. >_<

and and and and my other friend, azwan who is on the next chat window, (my highschool classmate), eventhough we chatted quite a lot (compared to my other friends), i honestly had never enjoyed a chatting session with him UNTIL last night. we went totally overboard and practically mengumpat every person that we knew in highschool. IT WAS WIN. i finally got to tell another soul properly of how i thought about the nect person during highschool. haha. because seriously, i had lived in quite a close community during highschool that i can't afford to pick a fight with my friends. and seriously, i was too busy with studies that i didn't even bother of thinking about doing so. so even if i was unhappy with the way that person acted or the way that the next person treated that other person or the way that the other person plays with that other person's feeling, i just shut up and let things roll with out me being dragged with.

and being in a regular non boarding school, things can get serious ya know with these kids yg x makan saman. xD

so yeah. last night i figured, since i probably won't be seeing those people again, why not just let all hell loose? (omg i'm such a hypocrite bitch. xD) and the biggest suprise is, i was gossiping with a boy. =_=" and he seems to be enjoying it. A LOT. so i got the latest update about his ex(es) and my ex(es). hahaha.

so here's the sappy part.

i actually didn't want to ask him about that guy. but somehow the gossip that i was telling kinda relates to him and the question became unavoidable. so i asked him. he said that he's studying somewhere in melaka. HE'S STILL IN MELAKA. O_O and HE IS STUDYING. O_O if i remembered correctly, he said he's working with his bro in KL, and that he's not considering the option of taking a diploma since he "dah x minat belajar." so what's this? huh? xD azwan said that he met him during a kenduri kahwin. haha. WEIRD. the first time i got to see him up close is during a kenduri kahwin jugak. xDDDD MAK AI FUCK GILAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~~~~~~~~~ *embarassing flashback scene playing in my mind* owh. azwan said "die dah smart sekarang~" and i had no idea what he was talking about since my definition and his definition of 'smart' (clothing-wise) is totally different :P so no comment about that.

then he said die dah ade awek sekarang. awek dia cun gila.

and i was like O_O

i actually hesitated to type on the keyboard so i took a short pause and my mind entered overdrive mode and told me that i should think of a very cool response and act like a tsundere and suddenly this yandere part of me told me to just rage and this other part of me told me just to play it simple and act a bit sad and not be too shocked about all this but my mind turns blank that i dropped all of the suggestion and i remembered this tiny little detail.

i was the one who called it off, on his birthday of all days.

and that is exactly what i told him. so he was like, "kau x sedih er?" and i was like, "i'm doing this for he's own good. dah lama gila dah kowt x jumpa, and berapa lama nk stay in this long distance relationship? so i just called it off so die boleh cari perempuan lain. haha. but seriously, sayang jugak weyh aku kat dia. so sedih la sikit ni. actually, sedih sangat kowt! TTwTT" and he said, "haha. actually, x de la. die x de girlfriend pun."

=w= VAVI KAU AZWAN. NAK GUGUR JANTUNG AKU.

"dia ada tanya pasal kau, tapi aku x tau, so aku jawab la x tau."

=____________________="

without a doubt, kawan yg terbaik.

he promised that he'll ask him his contact number next time he sees him, but i told him that i won't encourage him doing so. i appreciate the thought, but just no. just leave it alone. it's not like he doesn't have my contact number. and it's not like i lost his contact number either. i was the one chose to end it. so.

haiz. am i being honest to myself?

Let's Roll, not Drool.

oh oh. somehow i'm not feeling much like myself lately. the new environment and new people i met everyday is gonna change me. AGAIN. i can't really tell u which one of me is real, and honestly i don't know if i'm faking it either. haha.

i'm trying hard to hold on to things that'll remind me of who i am. in case i forget.

wth.wth.

i'm starting to feel a bit shaky. somehow i see everyone but me is taking medic. just like the first time i entered J2 before. i'm still wondering WHAT THE HELL am i doin taking a course of which i have no interest in. recently i heard that a childhood of mine had already flew to aussie last two weeks. i'm assuming that he took medic as well. >_> (tapi kalau x silap mase kecik2 dulu cita2 dia nak jadi pendakwah bebas. hmmm.) so. i'm not sure why i'm feeling shaky right now. is it because that i'm still here in malaysia and whether i'm flying or not is still undecided? or am i just feeling inferior to them just because i took biotech and not medic? and and and i'm still a bit lost of WHY i took biotech in the first place. all i remembered was a web page, a list of courses, and that i was supposed to check the boxes to what course that i wanted to do. and and and something evil told me that i shouldn't be ticking the 'medic' box and said, "biotech is cool!" so i ticked that very box and here i am now. really. what the hell was i thinking.

WHY OH WHY DIDN'T I TICKED THE VET BOX?
(was there even a vet box?)

but after all the things that had been said and done, (really, not that i have any control over things), i just had to accept things the way they are. i remembered the day when my dad sent me to My Place Apartment. i was still half asleep walking to the bathroom when he hugged me and gave me a kiss on the forehead, and said, "study hard and fly next year." i went inside the bathroom and cried in the hot shower.

THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO WAY - (ZETTAI NI) - I JUST CAN'T AFFORD TO SCREW THIS UP.

i'm not good enough to be a doctor. therefore i shall accept the fact that i'll never get to be a vet. (and be a lab geek instead.)