Fusion.

why do people try so hard to define themselves? for some, it's their purpose in life. i tried hard to find a definition for myself, or a stereotype, if you wanna call it. but i can't. well, 'random' is kind of a stereotype i guess. but the thing is, i've just stop caring about all of these 'labelling' stuff, you know =3=

but dammit. i'm in love with so many things that every single one of those things can define me in a way. i have a few friends who would stick to just one thing. when you view their page, u can instantly tell that they are otakus or whatever, because their page just SCREAMS ANIME. some of my other friends would stick to loving ONE BAND; and their page would scream 'INSERT BAND NAME HERE'. and the rest would be like KPOP, PHOTOGRAPHY, SPORTS, etc. AND I THINK THEY ARE COOL. why? they are cool because they stick to one thing; and that one thing in particular can pretty much define them.

what do you get when you view my page? this blog? my twitter? my facebook even? NONE.

i look like one of those boring lifeless people OMG D;

it is not cool to not stick to one thing? i think i'm cool D; BECAUSE I LIEK LOTS OF STUFF.
HAHA. so fuck you. you can't label me D;;

ah you can almost call me a 'fusionist'. oppa tottemo kyeopta desu? hueue xD

some anime guy told me that it's okay if you don't find that particular something in life, what matter most is that you have searched for it to your heart's content. some people IRL told me that's bullshit. those are just words to comfort you losers out there. my take? i'll search for that one thing (dammit it could be lots of things la) to my heart's content and if i fail to make myself happy in the end, then i'll just have to comfort myself with the words of the anime guy.

some people are deemed successful in life when they contribute something to the world. the other day i saw one of my prof walking at the side of the road. he looked so nerdy with his cargo pants and shirt and beard with an almost bald head carrying a huge back pack. i think he's awesome because he contributed something. his research papers must be awesome. you gotta have curiosity and a strong drive to find out stuff and do research and write awesome journals yeah? i lack drive. i lack curiosity. i used to care about the world but all i can think about now is to get anything i can put of this world and die without contributing D: what happened OTL something must have happened to me. WHY AM I LIEK THIS.

insecure is definitely not a word to describe me. i know what i'm doing. i just don't care much.

wtf am i rambling about at 4 am zzzz

Don't Mess with Me.

i am friends with Chuck Norris.

Missing.

i miss you pa. i miss you ma.

but i can't say it out loud, through phone calls or via Skype. even typing those words down makes me teary. i really do miss you. i miss ayol, i miss kakak, i miss nenek and atuk. but i just can't say it seriously. i will cry. wtf i'm crying right now lol. imagine how dramatic it would be if i'm crying while skyping. i know how hard it is for mom to adjust to not having brother around. i know how she cried every time she misses abang. papa pun, i know how soft-hearted papa is. he would struggle to keep a cool face on every time i skype home. i know. i know people are missing me. mama pun hinting that she wants me to come back for Raya. but i have exam >__>;; of course la i can't. but of course la i want to come home. but i can't. why are people doing this to me OTL

i don't talk much with my parents. haih kalau saya rajin melawan masa kecik kecik dulu mesti tak jadi macam ni. kakak saya dulu selalu melawan tapi dia baik je dengan mama dengan papa. when i'm talking to them, they would ask me the same set of question: "study ok?", "rumah ok?", "housemate ok?". "sihat?", "sejuk?", "assignment dah buat?", etc.

of course la i would give them the same standard template answer; "okay jer~" =__=

awkward silence.

WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY ;A; aih communication fail. my parents would think that i'm heartless for never telling them that i miss them. they would. you might say that "ah they are your parents, of course they know that you are missing them." NO THEY DON'T. they just don't. some past experience have taught me that. erghh bad memories. to them, i'm somewhat close to a blood sucking parasite, i'll take whatever i can from them and leave. they told me that to my face lol so yeah no misinterpretation what so ever. sad isn't it? it's just one of the things that made me what i am today - emotionally retarded lol.

........................................

I STILL LOVE MY PARENTS YOU CAN'T JUDGE ME LKASJDLKASJD.

Blueberry.

OMNOM

OMNOMNOM

OMNOMONOMONOM

// i have a JAPN1013 listening TEST tomorrow.
// i have a BIOL2200 REPORT due on Friday.
// i have a JAPN1013 speaking TEST next Tuesday.
// i have a BIOC2000 REPORT due next Friday.
// i haven't started studying for my FINALS.

USHIRO.

Sebenarnya tadi agak panic jugak lah sebab tak dapat sign in masuk Blogger. =____=

to those of you who can't login, don't login using the weird little form that showes up dekat atas page in place of the navigation bar. if you did, reset your password ASAP. i have a feeling that Blogger may have been 'manipulated' by a third party. or something. anyway i don't like spams so yeah. reset your password and clear your browser punya cache and cookies whatever then try logging in again. if you can't then you're fucked.

weird. i don't think i'm really addicted to blogging but i've had this blog for so long now that if something were to happen to it, i would cry. sobs.

Baby Ammo, the half dead kitteh

ordered this baby somewhere last week. for those of you who are unfamiliar with my world, this is Stocking's Honekoneko plushie from the anime; Panty Stocking and Garterbelt. look it up lol. haih i was rushing to uni for my Kanji Test and found the package left outside my door asphymagysm. i'm glad the post dude left it there though since i wouldn't have to go and pick it up later in Toowoong. but i was rushing gila babi, i just lifted the box and threw it onto my bed and ran to uni; slightly teary eyed since i couldn't open it right there and then. i was trolled by the electronic course profile lol. i thought i was gonna have a listening test (which i am awesome at) but it turns out that i have a Kanji test instead. i had to memorize 25 kanji characters in less than 30 minutes. i gave up on 'Ushiro' that looks liek this:

U-SHI-RO 

i know there are far more complicated kanji characters out there lol but today, this is my limit. wtf i at least i managed to memorize the other 24 in less than 30 minutes. and why am i coaxing myself hmm pathetic. OKAY LA I FAILED >__>

i think i'm gonna give up my fringe soon. >__> Ryota-sama i need you

// lol Damien is creeping at the back.

Unrequited Mental Strain.

Yeah i'm going to Melbourne for winter woohoo! i hope global warming hasn't fucked up the weather so bad lol i really, really wanna play in the snow. biasalah, belajar oversea kena la jakun main salji.

do you really wanna know about my tahap of jakun-ness? i was walking back home one night from the immortal library with Lina and Mun Mun. the night was cold but it wasn't that freezing cold because Lina was wearing hot pants and she didn't feel like dying or anything. HAHA HOT PANTS KEEP PEOPLE WARM WTF. that has really nothing to do with what i'm trying to point out though. uhh we were walking down this hilly road and suddenly Lina said OMG INTAN I CAN SEE YOUR BREATH and i was like; no, you're being delusional BUT THEN I SAW HER BREATH TOO but then i looked down and saw that she had a cigarette in her hand so I made this face =_____= BUT THEN I SAW MY OWN BREATH LIKE WTF. I was like OMG LINA and Lina was like OMG INTAN and Mun Mun was like WTF ARE YOU GUYS DOING. anyway we had fun playing with water vapor while it lasted lol. jakun kan?

ah i really wanted to rant about my house mates, even when i said i wasn't gonna rant about them anymore.

Housemate Rants.
haih they are so funny lol i just thought i might share some of the FUN FUN FUN things they made me go through day in and day out. i had no trouble with my wise and normal house mate. I JUST HAVE THIS ON-GOING CONFLICT OF INTEREST WITH MY 'KIND' HOUSE MATE. hey i do my share of work around the house. i cook. i clean. but i don't clean that hard anymore since i don't feel like it lol. why would i wanna do unnecessary awesome stuff when i don't feel sincere about doing it? ah but i did cleaned the microwave just for teh lulz. wtf no one was gonna clean it and my hot chocolate was starting to smell like sardine when i heat it up so i just had to =__= so like i said in my post way way wayyyyyy back then, we had this alternating cook and clean duty among us. i was supposed to cook on Monday and she was supposed to clean, and she was supposed to cook on Thursday and i am supposed to clean. but last Thursday, Lina asked me out for dinner at Nandos so i told her i won't be eating at home so don't cook for me. after makan makan, i came back and saw she was eating. fine. then i went to my room and do irrelevant stuff until it was like, midnight? i felt hungry and head to the kitchen for some leftover muffins that i made. i saw dirty dishes in the sink, naturally la because i was supposed to clean them. i took my awesome muffins and heat them up in the microwave and thought like, i'll clean the dishes after i finish these muffins lol so i head back to my room. i was eating and doing irrelevant stuff with the laptop and the internet when i heard the sound of people washing the dishes. so i went out and (at this point i have already reckoned who was washing the dishes and why. WHY? because she wanted to make me feel bad. that's the real reason wtf) saw HER washing the dishes. kenapa kau basuh? "because kau tak makan dinner tadi so tak payah kot kau basuh." BUT IT'S MY FUCKING DUTY TO WASH UP D8 Y U NO LEAVE MY DISHES ALONE. and if that were the real case lah, y u no wash dishes before i got back. y u must wash dishes at 1 am in the morning when u are well aware that i am home and i will was the dishes. BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO MAKE ME FEEL BAD LA WTF. she has this mentality that i hate her (which i don't; i just dislike her) and i am here to make her life miserable so i won't wash the fucking dishes just to make her suffer like seriously, WTF. is she a fucking masochist or what? why does she expect the worst of me? EH TAK TAHAN  LA ORANG MACAM NI. seriously, i tried to keep my cool and tell myself it's okay she can fuck herself with the dishes i should be happy that i don't have to wash the dishes BUT I CAN'T BECAUSE I AM A GOOD PERSON D8

the next afternoon (woke up at 3 pm because i slept at 7 am that morning hmm was busy playing Digimon Online Battle) she called me on the phone. i answered it but then the line was cut off due to weird sucky random coverage in my house. i was really pre-occupied with irrelevant stuff on my laptop so i didn't bothered to call her back. at the back of my head i had this thought that she'll call me back if it's really important or she could have just texted me BECAUSE SHE HERSELF SHOULD BE AWARE OF THE AWKWARD CONNECTION IN THIS HOUSE. i mean, i could have been out. i could have attended lecture lol and i couldn't picked up. so y u no send me text so i can reply properly. but she didn't. and yes, it wasn't that courteous of me to not call her back >__> maybe i was still pissed off about last night. or maybe i was really starting to hate her. anyway some moments after that, my wise house mate came home. "dia ada call kau tak tadi?" yes. but putus sebab takde line. "dia takde kunci rumah so dia tak boleh masuk rumah." oh. LIKE WTF. CAN'T YOU TRY A LITTLE BIT HARDER TO REACH ME? call me up a couple more times. send me a text. KNOCK ON THE DOOR LIKE A MAD PERSON. but she didn't. she gave up on me so easily. that makes me sad.

this is a really irrational post. i am sad because she washed the dishes for me and i am sad because she forgot to bring her house keys with her. WTF. i should get lobotomized and freed from this one-sided metal torture.

WTF.

Belajar overseas? hmmph. This is what i'm really doing on regular basis.

Me. in my natural habitat

sometimes i don't even leave my room. i'd rather go to sleep when i feel hungry lol seriously. yeah i do have a room mate but it looks like my room mate is the one claiming the living room. it's weird la how things turns out. so i guess i don't have to hide in the fridge. i do kinda have my own personal space. i love my life.

so i shall continue where i left off.

NCG Melbourne.
people asked me if i was interested in joining the bowling team for NCG. i said yes. i didn't know what NCG was. all i know is just the fact that it'll be held in Melbourne in July. people said there'll be another bowling selection to determine who's gonna play for NCG (since there's another person who wants to go) so i said okay. people said come to Mt Gravatt at 6 pm on Friday. At 6 pm that Friday, i was stranded in the middle of nowhere with Lina, trying to go to Mt Gravatt. people said take the taxi. Lina said it'll be too expensive. but we managed to reach that bowling place nonetheless. 2 hours late. played like blargh but people said i was okay. it is still undecided who's going for NCG though. so we'll have another selection on the next day.

but before that, people drove Lina and I back to St Lucia that night. met more people at the kickboxing people punya house, where an audition was held for people who wants to perform on Malaysian Night. i had fun looking at people. but Lina was hungry so we left early. I had butter chicken with rice. Lina had a fat chicken tandoori for less than $8 wtf. she came and crashed at my place then we slept.

next morning, we went to the city for the bowling selection thingie. played horribly. sucked. got seriously p0wned. not good enough for NCG so the other person should be going instead of me. sad. but i still wanted to go for teh lulz. had awesome Malaysian dinner with people. cheap food large portion. shall go again. talked. got to know more about people. then kind people drove us back to St Lucia. then people told me that i'll be playing for NCG since the other person didn't want to go. happy. booked flights to Melbourne. departing on the 3rd and coming back on the 10th. browsed online for clothers for Malaysian Night. Alice in Wonderland FTW ♥ 


i told you i'm happy.

Thrown Back.

i was wrong. and so i shall bear the sin.

i met new people in the last few weeks. i was busy socializing wtf. i realized that i just need a little bit more exposure to how things are here. i've been stuck in between these two contrasting worlds, the sisterhood of the usrah people and people who are, well, the extreme opposite le. and this is just a generalization of their lifestyle, okay. To me, all of them are good people. except for this one person ehehe. SHE MADE ME FEEL LIKE A BAD PERSON WTF SHE SHOULD GO TO HELL. then again who am i to judge. but she pisses me off so, whatever.

ah there's so many things to write about. i need an outline.

• MASCA
• NCG Melbourne
• Housemate Rants
• Dilemma
• Self Reflection

MASCA.
okay. it all started a few weeks ago when i decided to blindly join a bowling tournament held by Griffith people under MASCA. it was held in Gold Coast which was liek, a 2 hours drive from St Lucia. Luckily some kind people i met from kickboxing class offered me a ride to go there so yay! no public transport for me. the event was at night also so kalau finish lambat memang stranded la aku kat Gold Coast sorang sorang if i were to go there solo. nice people are nice. should bake them cakes la haih. anyway, i met more MASCA people there. my bowling team mates were awesome! we won 1st place for the group category, got a large ass hamper with chocs and candies and each of us got this!

A cute purple disposable camera!

and i was kinda awesome at bowling lol so i managed to score 2nd runner up for the individual category! woohoo! the prize for the 1st place was a digital camera, 2nd place was an iPod and i won the biggest prize of the night! Logitech Speakers weee~

My first certificate in Brisbane yo!

then we went jalan jalan around Gold Coast for awhile. people wanted to shisha so i followed. got to know more people. oh and there was this bunch of drunk people fooling around with a shopping cart lol so random. and they got into a fight and then police datang and they were all like, lying on the ground waiting to be arrested like, wtf really random la. then we went back to St Lucia.

gah i shall continue in another post whenever.

Stumped.

well hello there.

if you're reading this in hopes of finding out what i'm up to in Brisbane;

while you yourself ARE in Brisbane,

you fail at life.

//giggles.

fineee i'll write about stuff later.

Me and Whale Watching.

having a hard time la now. but why should i whine lol. shit happens. good things happen. i'm rowing steady yo. but if i don't dwell on the little details then i wouldn't have anything good to write here.

i've stopped caring.

those who care for me will stay. those who don't really care; do whatever lol.

i am happy like this.

Starry Tosai.

try and point out things that you can see lol

babi facebook aku tahu la aku ak ramai kawan jangan la buat nampak obvious sangat

// bored.

Alan.

// lonely.