First paper in two days, another paper two days after that, and another paper a week or so after that.
See? i really can't do English anymore.
I'm running out of time, so yeah I'm blogging just to screw myself over.
Nothing much has happened since my last update. Nothing good, that is. I think it's pretty much confirmed that I'll fail AT LEAST one course this semester. I haven't really settled down with any supervisors for my Hons year. I don't even know if I could do Hons year. No. not with my grades.
So i'm staying here for summer. At least that's the plan.
I'm going back for a week after my last paper. A lot of people and things are waiting for me. I would write more about them but I'm not sure if I could get away without having arrested and/or having my student LOAN revoked. Or worse. But I'm okay, I promise to keep myself safe.
Bwahaha.
Seriously going to ask mom to take me to the psychiatrist. Wish me luck for my finals.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Monday, June 18, 2012
For The Record.
I am seriously going crazy.
i don't feel the way that i'm supposed to feel anymore. everything seems laughable. i'm not thinking coherently, and wtf i am seriously becoming dyslexic or something. i can't even talk properly nowadays.
mommy mommy come and take me to the psychiatrist please : )
i don't feel the way that i'm supposed to feel anymore. everything seems laughable. i'm not thinking coherently, and wtf i am seriously becoming dyslexic or something. i can't even talk properly nowadays.
mommy mommy come and take me to the psychiatrist please : )
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Lusty Lavender.
AMO's hair is so cute laskjdls.
are you reading this now? right now you're supposed to cram all the lectures that you've missed into that dense head of yours, but yeah you're blogging instead. i bet you're gonna cry buckets when you get out of the exam hall next week. oh you poor stupid creature you. how many lectures exactly have you attended in the past 4 months? can't be that many. it even took you a lot of effort just to get out of bed and show up to your practicals and tutorials. why are you always like this Intan? you're making things hard for me, you know? : |
so let me spell out a few things for you so you don't have to wonder so much about what's happening in your life now. looks like you've leveled up eh. but that stuff is actually good for you, so i don't blame you. it's like, a thousand times better than the last hobby you took up. just make sure you don't get caught eh. dodgy is dodgy but illegal is still illegal. what's up with that boyfriend of yours, eh? is he still your boyfriend? i don't get the rationale of your relationship, really. it's not like he likes you. he has no intention of seriously keeping you, so you should clearly draw a line eh. don't make a fool of yourself. you've never been that kind of person, and there's no reason for you to become one either. don't be one, please, i beg of you. i'll never forgive you if you do.
you're always so flaky about stuff. you should really consider changing that indecisive personality of yours, really. i think you're abusing that perceiving trait of yours. you can kind of predict what people might expect from you, and you exploit them. you're a calculative, conceited person and i don't really like who you're trying to be right now. do you even know what you're trying to be? what exactly are you trying to achieve? you're losing yourself. too much adventure, eh? too much fun, eh? experiencing things while you still can, eh? YOLO, eh? i don't get you anymore. the world might end later this year. the word might end tomorrow, heck do i know. nobody knows.
get your head straight okay. at least until the end of the exams. then we'll do some re-assessment.
are you reading this now? right now you're supposed to cram all the lectures that you've missed into that dense head of yours, but yeah you're blogging instead. i bet you're gonna cry buckets when you get out of the exam hall next week. oh you poor stupid creature you. how many lectures exactly have you attended in the past 4 months? can't be that many. it even took you a lot of effort just to get out of bed and show up to your practicals and tutorials. why are you always like this Intan? you're making things hard for me, you know? : |
so let me spell out a few things for you so you don't have to wonder so much about what's happening in your life now. looks like you've leveled up eh. but that stuff is actually good for you, so i don't blame you. it's like, a thousand times better than the last hobby you took up. just make sure you don't get caught eh. dodgy is dodgy but illegal is still illegal. what's up with that boyfriend of yours, eh? is he still your boyfriend? i don't get the rationale of your relationship, really. it's not like he likes you. he has no intention of seriously keeping you, so you should clearly draw a line eh. don't make a fool of yourself. you've never been that kind of person, and there's no reason for you to become one either. don't be one, please, i beg of you. i'll never forgive you if you do.
you're always so flaky about stuff. you should really consider changing that indecisive personality of yours, really. i think you're abusing that perceiving trait of yours. you can kind of predict what people might expect from you, and you exploit them. you're a calculative, conceited person and i don't really like who you're trying to be right now. do you even know what you're trying to be? what exactly are you trying to achieve? you're losing yourself. too much adventure, eh? too much fun, eh? experiencing things while you still can, eh? YOLO, eh? i don't get you anymore. the world might end later this year. the word might end tomorrow, heck do i know. nobody knows.
get your head straight okay. at least until the end of the exams. then we'll do some re-assessment.
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Lie To Me With Style.
start : 4:17 am
it's cold. i guess winter is finally here. ah the weather here is crazy. it could be sunny now, but raining the next. i guess it's the same everywhere else.
"i could smell winter."
my spring / mid semester break isn't that bad this year. i couldn't really remember what i did last year. weird. i must have been forced to do something i dislike. i will check back my old post later. but this year, i didn't leave Brisbane at all. i haven't been to Gold Coast even, despite the plans. i've been crashing at a friend's place. why? no particular reason. i've been practically living at that person's place for a week i don't think that the person minds. that person would've openly chased me out if i really was a bother so it's cool.
oh here. this is how i spent my last Easter Holiday.
http://genji1134.blogspot.com.au/2011/04/easter.html
... not much difference, really. but this year, i have two weeks of holiday instead of one! so i wasted the first week, and now i'm trying to catch up with stuff in the second week. perfect plan is perfect. as always, everything is easier said than done. i felt like someone cast a Crucio spell on me while i was working on my virology GBL. it must have been Steven. i even dreamed of him one night. i should really finish the draft up soon. i don't really go out for movies and stuff now. i just don't feel like doing so. it's good for my financial standings too so no regrets there. although Battleship sounds awesome. but mehh i will wait for a good torrent.
"look up to the sky."
remember how much i used to write about how much i love the night sky here in Brisbane? i used to love it so much that i intentionally would walk home from uni, alone, just so i could be alone with the night sky? well, that didn't change this year too. i could see the Orion clearly. last year, someone told me that one of the stars that make up the Orion is a red giant, and that it's located at the Heel of The Hunter. i don't know why but i was so absorbed with that fact because i've seen that constellation so many times in my life but i have never notice that one red star. and so i started to tell people about the red star too.
fuck you Wheen. stop telling me lies.
the red star, Betelgeuse, is not the heel of The Hunter. it's actually the right shoulder.
i'm sorry for the lies that i've told to people ;w; omg i've been living with this lie for like, a whole year.
haih i guess i'll write more when i have stuff to write about.
it's cold. i guess winter is finally here. ah the weather here is crazy. it could be sunny now, but raining the next. i guess it's the same everywhere else.
"i could smell winter."
my spring / mid semester break isn't that bad this year. i couldn't really remember what i did last year. weird. i must have been forced to do something i dislike. i will check back my old post later. but this year, i didn't leave Brisbane at all. i haven't been to Gold Coast even, despite the plans. i've been crashing at a friend's place. why? no particular reason. i've been practically living at that person's place for a week i don't think that the person minds. that person would've openly chased me out if i really was a bother so it's cool.
oh here. this is how i spent my last Easter Holiday.
http://genji1134.blogspot.com.au/2011/04/easter.html
... not much difference, really. but this year, i have two weeks of holiday instead of one! so i wasted the first week, and now i'm trying to catch up with stuff in the second week. perfect plan is perfect. as always, everything is easier said than done. i felt like someone cast a Crucio spell on me while i was working on my virology GBL. it must have been Steven. i even dreamed of him one night. i should really finish the draft up soon. i don't really go out for movies and stuff now. i just don't feel like doing so. it's good for my financial standings too so no regrets there. although Battleship sounds awesome. but mehh i will wait for a good torrent.
"look up to the sky."
remember how much i used to write about how much i love the night sky here in Brisbane? i used to love it so much that i intentionally would walk home from uni, alone, just so i could be alone with the night sky? well, that didn't change this year too. i could see the Orion clearly. last year, someone told me that one of the stars that make up the Orion is a red giant, and that it's located at the Heel of The Hunter. i don't know why but i was so absorbed with that fact because i've seen that constellation so many times in my life but i have never notice that one red star. and so i started to tell people about the red star too.
fuck you Wheen. stop telling me lies.
the red star, Betelgeuse, is not the heel of The Hunter. it's actually the right shoulder.
i'm sorry for the lies that i've told to people ;w; omg i've been living with this lie for like, a whole year.
haih i guess i'll write more when i have stuff to write about.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Person.
i tried to play it cool, but i can't, because i was never a cool person.
if you want a girlfriend who's totally cool with you being all friendly with another girl; a girlfriend who's totally cool with you tweeting fuckloads of shit without replying to her whatsapps, a girlfriend who's totally okay with you not even trying to contact her the whole day, then really. just, stop it. stop mind fucking me.
it might be that i'm the one who's being too clingy. BUT, FUCK IT.
i am clingy. LIVE WITH IT.
if you don't like it, tell it to my face. i will try to deal. if i can. i don't know man. but something has got to give.
maybe we both got caught up in the moment. we had fun, and i had the most amazing, first valentine celebration ever with you. fuck you. and now you're screwing my head every time i have these stupid flashbacks. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you.
and i'm so not going to go back home this winter JUST so you could fuck me over darn it. if you think that the only reason you can't show me that you really like me, like me, is because of the distance between us that are preventing us from fucking, well YOU'RE WRONG. try harder, because i'm kind of tired being the only one in love.
COME ON. YOU DON'T EVEN TRY TO SKYPE ME ANYMORE
false accusations aside, i really think you should just to let me know whatever. dammit. damn you.
remind me of things you've told me before. don't fuck with my head anymore.
if you want a girlfriend who's totally cool with you being all friendly with another girl; a girlfriend who's totally cool with you tweeting fuckloads of shit without replying to her whatsapps, a girlfriend who's totally okay with you not even trying to contact her the whole day, then really. just, stop it. stop mind fucking me.
it might be that i'm the one who's being too clingy. BUT, FUCK IT.
i am clingy. LIVE WITH IT.
if you don't like it, tell it to my face. i will try to deal. if i can. i don't know man. but something has got to give.
maybe we both got caught up in the moment. we had fun, and i had the most amazing, first valentine celebration ever with you. fuck you. and now you're screwing my head every time i have these stupid flashbacks. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you.
and i'm so not going to go back home this winter JUST so you could fuck me over darn it. if you think that the only reason you can't show me that you really like me, like me, is because of the distance between us that are preventing us from fucking, well YOU'RE WRONG. try harder, because i'm kind of tired being the only one in love.
COME ON. YOU DON'T EVEN TRY TO SKYPE ME ANYMORE
false accusations aside, i really think you should just to let me know whatever. dammit. damn you.
remind me of things you've told me before. don't fuck with my head anymore.
Things.
come on. nobody actually read this thing, right? yes?
and i am assuming that people who read this are actually the kind of people who actually care. well, there are several people who might read this by chance, you know, when they got really bored with things and just decides to check up on their blog roll and finally landed here. or, you could be one of those people who read this just to get some materials so you can fuck me over in another life time.
sigh. how did i ended up being so bitter. hey, if you're still reading this, please humor yourself by clicking through my archive. check out the first few posts i've ever written here, and compare to what you're reading now. it's interesting to see how much my vocabulary has expanded, yes? i'm sorry. please shield thy virgin eyes from my vulgar writings. there are far, more beautiful words to convey these feelings that i have, but it might not do my angst justice.
i'm writing here, to remind myself. to remind myself. to remind myself.
because if i didn't write this down, i might forget. and forgotten things may or may not have happened in the first place. just for safe keeping. to remind myself that certain things did happen, not just only in my dreams.
i'm writing here, to remind myself. to remind myself. to remind myself.
i might sound like i'm trying to instigate people into flaming me. but really, i'm writing this against myself. it's like, right now, i'm trying to reason with myself, like, why am i writing this as in i'm actually writing to someone? but really, i'm not. i'm just talking to myself really. and really, why am i trying to explain myself so hard. am i actually hoping for someone to read this? well that might actually be true. because, apart from people who are close to me here, no one actually knows what's going on. nothing is actually going on, really. i'm just having a little bit of a detour. there's this side of me, that wants people to know these things that i'm doing, and i want them to actually be okay with it lol like that is going to ever happen. i mean, you shouldn't be okay with this. your friend here is committing a serious sin.
so i'm writing here, to remind myself, and to let you know.
it's always good to let people know. some people know. things that i want them to know.
why? why? why? i don't really need to explain why. this is what i've always wanted. i always wanted to do what i want, and i want the people around me to be okay with it. and somehow, being here, it lets me do just that. there's no one to blame but myself, really. i have been warned, the second before i started. do i plan to stop? of course. it's part of a plan. but i'm not the one with the plan now, right?
so what do i get out of writing this out for people who care or might not care to read?
i get to clear my conscience. at least now i don't have to lie. is there anyway that could convince you to not freak out so much? because honestly i'm tired of freaking myself out from day to day. gah.
so i'm writing here, to remind myself, and to let you know, as a reminder to all.
and i am assuming that people who read this are actually the kind of people who actually care. well, there are several people who might read this by chance, you know, when they got really bored with things and just decides to check up on their blog roll and finally landed here. or, you could be one of those people who read this just to get some materials so you can fuck me over in another life time.
sigh. how did i ended up being so bitter. hey, if you're still reading this, please humor yourself by clicking through my archive. check out the first few posts i've ever written here, and compare to what you're reading now. it's interesting to see how much my vocabulary has expanded, yes? i'm sorry. please shield thy virgin eyes from my vulgar writings. there are far, more beautiful words to convey these feelings that i have, but it might not do my angst justice.
i'm writing here, to remind myself. to remind myself. to remind myself.
because if i didn't write this down, i might forget. and forgotten things may or may not have happened in the first place. just for safe keeping. to remind myself that certain things did happen, not just only in my dreams.
i'm writing here, to remind myself. to remind myself. to remind myself.
i might sound like i'm trying to instigate people into flaming me. but really, i'm writing this against myself. it's like, right now, i'm trying to reason with myself, like, why am i writing this as in i'm actually writing to someone? but really, i'm not. i'm just talking to myself really. and really, why am i trying to explain myself so hard. am i actually hoping for someone to read this? well that might actually be true. because, apart from people who are close to me here, no one actually knows what's going on. nothing is actually going on, really. i'm just having a little bit of a detour. there's this side of me, that wants people to know these things that i'm doing, and i want them to actually be okay with it lol like that is going to ever happen. i mean, you shouldn't be okay with this. your friend here is committing a serious sin.
so i'm writing here, to remind myself, and to let you know.
it's always good to let people know. some people know. things that i want them to know.
why? why? why? i don't really need to explain why. this is what i've always wanted. i always wanted to do what i want, and i want the people around me to be okay with it. and somehow, being here, it lets me do just that. there's no one to blame but myself, really. i have been warned, the second before i started. do i plan to stop? of course. it's part of a plan. but i'm not the one with the plan now, right?
so what do i get out of writing this out for people who care or might not care to read?
i get to clear my conscience. at least now i don't have to lie. is there anyway that could convince you to not freak out so much? because honestly i'm tired of freaking myself out from day to day. gah.
so i'm writing here, to remind myself, and to let you know, as a reminder to all.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Mind Fuck.
I hope you read this, you mind fuck person.
i hate you.
i hate you.
i hate you.
i hate you.
i hate you.
WHY CAN'T YOUR READ MY MIND. BECAUSE I CAN FUCKING READ YOURS.
tell me if i'm wrong. but right now it's saying things like you don't like me anymore.
if i'm wrong, please make me better.
i dare you, to make me better.
i hate you.
i hate you.
i hate you.
i hate you.
i hate you.
WHY CAN'T YOUR READ MY MIND. BECAUSE I CAN FUCKING READ YOURS.
tell me if i'm wrong. but right now it's saying things like you don't like me anymore.
if i'm wrong, please make me better.
i dare you, to make me better.
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Drug Me.
when you're not around, when i can't feel you;
i want to break myself.
"My blood is singing with your voice, I want to pour it out."
there's not much i can do. there's not much we can do.
waiting. i guess i'll wait. i'll get better.
i dosed myself with drugs when it gets hard. as it gets painful.
"Screaming in the dark, I howl when we're apart."
i'll get better.
do you think of me as much as i think of you?
there's not much i can do.
you can keep me as long as i get to keep you.
stay. stay. stay.
i want you stay.
i want you break you; flay you alive.
.....
Friday, February 17, 2012
A Little Bit of a Real Update.
HYE PEOPLEEE IM BACK IN BRISBANEEE.
took a flight on the night of le 14th February and reached here on the 15th morning. and now i'm crashing at a friend's place for a while until i can get myself a new place. sigh i want my own kitchen ASAP.
how i'm coping with my return? you can say that i'm sorta okay with everything, as i'm usually apathetic when it comes to the farewell bits with my family and all. i do miss them and all but.. i've always had this sucky feeling. when i was around the house, they would say things like, "kau ni ada ke, takde ke, sama je macam takde."
so does that mean it's okay; as if it's totally cool with them, if i'm not around?
after all that happened to me in Malaysia in the last 3 months, i'm regretting the fact that i actually went back for the summer holidays. i could have spent my chicken pox free summer, basking the sun on the beach of le Gold Coast. maybe some of the conflicts that i'm facing now won't be as bad if i actually stayed in Brisbane.
but if i had stayed in Brisbane..
i told my dad to get me a return flight to Brisbane on the 14th of February because i was so sure that the day wouldn't bring any significance to me, and it'll be just like another boring Wednesday. pretty sure i was challenging fate by picking that date. i mean, really. what could happen? well the joke is on me.
i had the best days of my summer holiday a week before it ends.
wish it didn't have to end.
and now i'm forced to hold on to those little moments we had during that short period of time; just to keep me sane.
you're mine. and i'm yours to keep.
took a flight on the night of le 14th February and reached here on the 15th morning. and now i'm crashing at a friend's place for a while until i can get myself a new place. sigh i want my own kitchen ASAP.
how i'm coping with my return? you can say that i'm sorta okay with everything, as i'm usually apathetic when it comes to the farewell bits with my family and all. i do miss them and all but.. i've always had this sucky feeling. when i was around the house, they would say things like, "kau ni ada ke, takde ke, sama je macam takde."
so does that mean it's okay; as if it's totally cool with them, if i'm not around?
after all that happened to me in Malaysia in the last 3 months, i'm regretting the fact that i actually went back for the summer holidays. i could have spent my chicken pox free summer, basking the sun on the beach of le Gold Coast. maybe some of the conflicts that i'm facing now won't be as bad if i actually stayed in Brisbane.
but if i had stayed in Brisbane..
i told my dad to get me a return flight to Brisbane on the 14th of February because i was so sure that the day wouldn't bring any significance to me, and it'll be just like another boring Wednesday. pretty sure i was challenging fate by picking that date. i mean, really. what could happen? well the joke is on me.
i had the best days of my summer holiday a week before it ends.
wish it didn't have to end.
and now i'm forced to hold on to those little moments we had during that short period of time; just to keep me sane.
you're mine. and i'm yours to keep.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Private Thoughts.
i don't write as much nowadays because of three reasons, apart from the usual laziness and other distractions. let's get straight down to it shall we?
1) Twitter
i used to write the most random thoughts that i have on my blog. in case you haven't notice, i don't write stuff on my blog for the sake of the readers, (well i don't have that many people reading anyway) i tend to talk to myself and sort out my thoughts. but now that i can vent out most of my trivial thoughts on twitter, i can avoid from writing lengthy sentences (like what i'm doing now) and just write down whatever i want in a very concise manner, under 140 characters. if 140 characters could not accommodate my thoughts, i would just need to tweet a few more posts. everything that i do, every little thing that pops in mind day in and day out would be listed on my twitter. so there's not much material i could work with in order to write a blog post thanks to Twitter.
2) People
it is fun to have someone to talk to about your day so you won't have to reflect on your day so much. we don't have to like the same things to get along with each other. as long as you're relevant to me, i'll let you stay. in fact, i'll make an effort so that you'll want to stay. lately i feel like i'm abandoning most of my fandom, wait scratch that, i am abandoning most of my fandoms. no real reason, i just lost interest... and maybe because i already have my hands full with other things. unlike my fandoms, this 'other' thing' will always be with me, and since i have a specific group of people to talk about this thing, i just won't blog about it.
3) Honesty
this point overlaps a little with the previous point, but it revolves more on the subject of the 'other thing' rather than the 'people'. i need to be honest to myself to write, because most of the things i write about are my thoughts and feelings. if i can't be true to myself, then the cause is lost. the sad truth is, i'm scared of being criticized and judged. different people my have known me at different stages of my life. everyone changes. i change. my friends from primary school won't recognize the me during secondary school. my friends from secondary school won't recognize the me in college and university, and so on. the sad truth of it all is, the reason why i'm concerned and anxious about how people view me is because i'm in the wrong. i am on the bad side of things. but i'm trying to get better.
just let me try and catch myself because the last thing i want is for you to put me down.
i've been wanting to come clean, to clear my conscience. but even if my conscience is clear, it won't make me innocent. after all, God is the one judging me.
1) Twitter
i used to write the most random thoughts that i have on my blog. in case you haven't notice, i don't write stuff on my blog for the sake of the readers, (well i don't have that many people reading anyway) i tend to talk to myself and sort out my thoughts. but now that i can vent out most of my trivial thoughts on twitter, i can avoid from writing lengthy sentences (like what i'm doing now) and just write down whatever i want in a very concise manner, under 140 characters. if 140 characters could not accommodate my thoughts, i would just need to tweet a few more posts. everything that i do, every little thing that pops in mind day in and day out would be listed on my twitter. so there's not much material i could work with in order to write a blog post thanks to Twitter.
2) People
it is fun to have someone to talk to about your day so you won't have to reflect on your day so much. we don't have to like the same things to get along with each other. as long as you're relevant to me, i'll let you stay. in fact, i'll make an effort so that you'll want to stay. lately i feel like i'm abandoning most of my fandom, wait scratch that, i am abandoning most of my fandoms. no real reason, i just lost interest... and maybe because i already have my hands full with other things. unlike my fandoms, this 'other' thing' will always be with me, and since i have a specific group of people to talk about this thing, i just won't blog about it.
3) Honesty
this point overlaps a little with the previous point, but it revolves more on the subject of the 'other thing' rather than the 'people'. i need to be honest to myself to write, because most of the things i write about are my thoughts and feelings. if i can't be true to myself, then the cause is lost. the sad truth is, i'm scared of being criticized and judged. different people my have known me at different stages of my life. everyone changes. i change. my friends from primary school won't recognize the me during secondary school. my friends from secondary school won't recognize the me in college and university, and so on. the sad truth of it all is, the reason why i'm concerned and anxious about how people view me is because i'm in the wrong. i am on the bad side of things. but i'm trying to get better.
just let me try and catch myself because the last thing i want is for you to put me down.
i've been wanting to come clean, to clear my conscience. but even if my conscience is clear, it won't make me innocent. after all, God is the one judging me.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Chicken Zits.
i know i said i was gonna right something about Comic Fiesta, but i just can't right now. sorry Aimi-san OTL
coughtoolazytotransferpicturescough.
well there were like, 3 or 4 pictures je pun.
anyway, Happy New Year peeps! /o/ it's 2012! there's not much time left! better make every second counts! bwahahaha!
you know i had this plan, the most awesome new year's celebration plan ever. i have never went out to celebrate the New Year's like, ever never, so i was hoping to make some changethis last year. you know, considering that it might be the last New Year and all. hope the Mayans are wrong - or right. i don't know lol /o/
so a weekend back in Subang in time for the New Year's sounds innocent enough right? right? it's not like i have any wild dodgy friends to spend it with right? rightttttttt. but let's go back in time, approximately a week ago. i've already gotten le permission to go to Subang from my parents, i just needed Paah to confirm with me when she's going to Subang as well since i need to crash at hers OTL but my dad wasn't feeling so well on Wednesday and he ended up getting hospitalized for two days. i didn't think i should go out after that even though he was discharged on Friday so yeah : /
i was already running a slight fever ever since my dad got hospitalized, and i do have this on-going problem that i have with myself. i was skipping meals like crazy. it was kind of a hunger strike since THERE'S NOTHING TO EAT AT HOME EXCEPT BREAD. oh how i crave the day when i could easily fix myself a healthy bowl of salad ;w; BUT IT'S NOT HAPPENING HERE. haih. it got so bad that i feel like my stomach was collapsing on itself, like some kind of a black hole forming inside of me. i couldn't even walk. but when i do, i had to keep a straight face because well, my mom was already freaking out about my dad and i didn't want her to freak any bit more. it's complicated. BUT THEN I STARTED GETTING THIS WEIRD BLISTERS THING AND I THOUGHT I WAS GETTING BITTEN BY BED BUGS AND I GOT SOME ON MY TUMMY AND THEN I GOT SOME ON MY FACE SO I TOLD MY MOM RIGHT AFTER MY DAD WAS DISCHARGED AND SHE BROUGHT ME TO THE CLINIC IN THE HOSPITAL AND I WAS DIAGNOSED WITH ---
chicken pox.
went home. mom bought me some air kelapa. i drank it. i woke up the next day and i was a cactus. and ugly cactus. a very ugly deformed cactus. the blisters have spread like crazy. and the fever. fuhh. i couldn't even stand for 5 seconds. the next thing i knew i would be sprawling on the floor. i couldn't even sit straight. i was bed-ridden for 2 whole days. i passed out. before i knew it, it was 2012 already. so much for a new year's celebration =___=
and now i'm going through a depression phase. my face is all screwy from the blisters. just now i was kinda careless, one of the scabbies got caught on my pillow and it came off. AND NOW I HAVE A HOLE IN MY FACE ;w; PRETTY SURE IT'LL LEAVE A SCAR. AND MY SKIN. MY POOR POOR SKIN. WHYYYYYY. I WAS NEVER PRETTY. I WAS QUITE OKAY WITH MYSELF. ACTUALLY, THE ONLY THING THAT I WAS ACTUALLY PLEASED WITH WAS MY SKIN. MY RETARDED SKIN. MY FICKLE SKIN. THE GET TANNED SUPER EASILY, AND THE TAN LINES TAKE FOREVER TO GO AWAY. I HAVE FRIGGIN STRETCHMARKS EVEN THOUGH I WAS NEVER FAT. THE MARKS FROM MOSQUITO BITES STAYS ON FOREVER TOO. I DON'T GET SUPER MASSIVE ZIT BREAKOUTS, ONLY SOME WHITEHEADS HERE AND THERE. I ACTUALLY LIKE THE COLOUR OF MY SKIN ALTHOUGH IT ISN'T ALABASTER WHITE OR ANYTHING. I LIKE MY YELLOW SKIN. I JUST LIKE MY SKIN OKAY?!
and now. i have nothing. now my face is filled with scabs and spots. i don't know when they're gonna heal. i don't know if they ever gonna heal. ;w; i am a depressed sad person.
and i don't know if i can heal in time for Foster The People concert next week. the best ticket of the house man, and i don't know if i can go. I DON'T WANNA BAIL ON YOU SAYANG. I AM SORRY. YOU'RE GONNA HATE ME IF I BAIL, I KNOW I CAN'T CHANGE THAT BUT AT LEAST DON'T HATE ME FOR SO LONG ;w; I AM SORRY.
i just want my skin back sobs//
i had chicken pox before. i guess i'm just too retarded so i get to suffer twice.
coughtoolazytotransferpicturescough.
well there were like, 3 or 4 pictures je pun.
anyway, Happy New Year peeps! /o/ it's 2012! there's not much time left! better make every second counts! bwahahaha!
you know i had this plan, the most awesome new year's celebration plan ever. i have never went out to celebrate the New Year's like, ever never, so i was hoping to make some change
so a weekend back in Subang in time for the New Year's sounds innocent enough right? right? it's not like i have any wild dodgy friends to spend it with right? rightttttttt. but let's go back in time, approximately a week ago. i've already gotten le permission to go to Subang from my parents, i just needed Paah to confirm with me when she's going to Subang as well since i need to crash at hers OTL but my dad wasn't feeling so well on Wednesday and he ended up getting hospitalized for two days. i didn't think i should go out after that even though he was discharged on Friday so yeah : /
i was already running a slight fever ever since my dad got hospitalized, and i do have this on-going problem that i have with myself. i was skipping meals like crazy. it was kind of a hunger strike since THERE'S NOTHING TO EAT AT HOME EXCEPT BREAD. oh how i crave the day when i could easily fix myself a healthy bowl of salad ;w; BUT IT'S NOT HAPPENING HERE. haih. it got so bad that i feel like my stomach was collapsing on itself, like some kind of a black hole forming inside of me. i couldn't even walk. but when i do, i had to keep a straight face because well, my mom was already freaking out about my dad and i didn't want her to freak any bit more. it's complicated. BUT THEN I STARTED GETTING THIS WEIRD BLISTERS THING AND I THOUGHT I WAS GETTING BITTEN BY BED BUGS AND I GOT SOME ON MY TUMMY AND THEN I GOT SOME ON MY FACE SO I TOLD MY MOM RIGHT AFTER MY DAD WAS DISCHARGED AND SHE BROUGHT ME TO THE CLINIC IN THE HOSPITAL AND I WAS DIAGNOSED WITH ---
chicken pox.
went home. mom bought me some air kelapa. i drank it. i woke up the next day and i was a cactus. and ugly cactus. a very ugly deformed cactus. the blisters have spread like crazy. and the fever. fuhh. i couldn't even stand for 5 seconds. the next thing i knew i would be sprawling on the floor. i couldn't even sit straight. i was bed-ridden for 2 whole days. i passed out. before i knew it, it was 2012 already. so much for a new year's celebration =___=
and now i'm going through a depression phase. my face is all screwy from the blisters. just now i was kinda careless, one of the scabbies got caught on my pillow and it came off. AND NOW I HAVE A HOLE IN MY FACE ;w; PRETTY SURE IT'LL LEAVE A SCAR. AND MY SKIN. MY POOR POOR SKIN. WHYYYYYY. I WAS NEVER PRETTY. I WAS QUITE OKAY WITH MYSELF. ACTUALLY, THE ONLY THING THAT I WAS ACTUALLY PLEASED WITH WAS MY SKIN. MY RETARDED SKIN. MY FICKLE SKIN. THE GET TANNED SUPER EASILY, AND THE TAN LINES TAKE FOREVER TO GO AWAY. I HAVE FRIGGIN STRETCHMARKS EVEN THOUGH I WAS NEVER FAT. THE MARKS FROM MOSQUITO BITES STAYS ON FOREVER TOO. I DON'T GET SUPER MASSIVE ZIT BREAKOUTS, ONLY SOME WHITEHEADS HERE AND THERE. I ACTUALLY LIKE THE COLOUR OF MY SKIN ALTHOUGH IT ISN'T ALABASTER WHITE OR ANYTHING. I LIKE MY YELLOW SKIN. I JUST LIKE MY SKIN OKAY?!
and now. i have nothing. now my face is filled with scabs and spots. i don't know when they're gonna heal. i don't know if they ever gonna heal. ;w; i am a depressed sad person.
and i don't know if i can heal in time for Foster The People concert next week. the best ticket of the house man, and i don't know if i can go. I DON'T WANNA BAIL ON YOU SAYANG. I AM SORRY. YOU'RE GONNA HATE ME IF I BAIL, I KNOW I CAN'T CHANGE THAT BUT AT LEAST DON'T HATE ME FOR SO LONG ;w; I AM SORRY.
i just want my skin back sobs//
i had chicken pox before. i guess i'm just too retarded so i get to suffer twice.
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