LAME. this is. LAME.

i'm tired of acting like nothing happened, when something really did happened. but my ego won't let me go all emo. (wow it rhymes).

aaaaahhhhhhh there's this guy. i liked him. and i think he likes me too. i think. i'm not really sure but i think la. he tried to get close to me i think. but i'm bad at socializing. i get nervous when people are trying to get overly-familiar with me. i feel threaten. i like to keep a side of me to myself, and when someone comes and tries to reach for the other side of me, i'll feel anxious. that is why i can't get along with people who are close to me. i.e. my previous roommate during SAM and even my family. and i'm still a little bit androphobic, and i'm shy, (yeah i know, i can't believe i called myself a yandere D:) so i kinda got too self-conscious, and i didn't know what to say to him at times, and somehow i got too nervous, i couldn't look at him in the eye. in the end, i think he got bored of me. or maybe he's just scared of me cuz i'm too weird. so anyhow, i think, he likes one of my friend, who knew for a  fact that i like him. and i know she likes him back too.

so now, i don't really know how to face them, truthfully. it's uncomfortable. D: but yeah i try to put on my usual face, but sometimes i unconsciously avoided them. i can't even talk to the friend while looking in her eyes. i'm sorry. i just don't know what to do. it's not anger, and it's not so much of jealousy. it's more of a guilty feeling for telling u that i like him too.

and i really shouldn't be having all of this thoughts. i mean, i'm just a shallow fangirl incapable of expressing real love. i have tons of crushes. i fell in love too easily, if u can call that love. even the only guy that i had ever confessed to said this to me "surely u have a lot of crushes, right?" so yeah i guess my crushes aren't significant. if i get rejected by one guy, i can easily confess to another guy, and the cycle goes on until i find the right guy who can love me back. my love is cheap. is that what ur trying to say?

when i say i like u, and ur not some distant korean big shot, it means that i really, really like u. hey, fangirls are human too. but the thing is, i don't say it out loud, and i won't say it on your face. i will only tell it to those who i trust the most. (and now the plan back fired LOL) i'm bad at socializing. so be patient with me.

and that is the reason why i was so emoooo for the past week. now excuse me while i drown myself in coke for posting such a lame post AAAAAAAAAAAAAA