Choking Cats.

i'm a mess. i like to be alone but i hate being left behind. in the days such as these, i'd prefer to be alone in my room, sleeping the days away. what's with this insecurity?

i'm a mess. i'm all over the place. but i can't stand being imperfect. i wanna do things as best as i can. reading through the comments that i got for my Report A, i feel more like a big mess. in a nutshell, she's telling me that i'm trying too hard, for something so wrong. it was all in vain. i'm at loss writing this report. i know i did my best already. but wanting me to change something that i have put behind me, it's a bit tricky. i'm seeing myself like a total loser. i haven't been studying. so of course i feel like a major bump. i know. yet i'm still not studying. and now i'm regretting the fact that i've skipped so many classes. a lazy perfectionist. and now i'm all emo-ing in the corner of the library.

saye x buat salah dengan orang so why the hell do i feel so crappy? the days where i just laugh all of the shit that happened are coming to get me. but there's too much shit that happened already. ahh i need a day off, or maybe three. i wanna close myself up and start over. seriously u don't wanna see me when i'm emo. i haven't been so upset. they are leaving me. my brother is leaving me for another year. i think. with all the planning that has been put up, if i don't see him again at the end of this year, god knows when i'll get to again. yet he didn't even bothered to call me and say goodbye.

my roommate has been treating me like shit, for as long as i've been in My Place. but what the hell have i ever done to her? i don't deserve all of this crappy bitchiness. i know. i'll just laugh it off. but i seriously wish that she'd die in a freak accident somewhere. I AM FUCKING SERIOUS. i haven't done anything bad to her so for her to treat me this way, it's just too fucked up. i've been nice to everyone so why do people treat me so badly. i don't deserve this. all i'm asking is don't leave me behind. i'll break. i've been nice. i've been real nice. so i'll just probably blame this all on life itself. wait, maybe i should blame my genes. so now i hafta blame my parents too? just leave me alone.

there's truth in my lie, there's doubt in my faith.

if i have faith, i wouldn't be thinking so much. i have faith. i'm just searching for something more. meaning. meaning of life? ah maybe the wars are making me emo. maybe. maybe something happened and it stirred up all things ugly in me. maybe. don't mind me i'm just being melancholic here. i'm living with myself. but it'd be nice if someone can come here and gimme a hug. or a quick slap across my face. a shoulder to cry on. why am i pretending to be so weak? am i weak? am i strong? i don't know. this paranoia. get rid of it quick.