A Pre-Raya Post.

Selamat Hari Raya to all you people! i'm celebrating Eid a day later than Malaysia. so this post is legally a pre-raya post. Problem?

omagad i just realized that i didn't post anything about my birthday last Thursday aksjdlask.

anyway, i've been apathetic towards raya since like, forever. i am more excited to learn that my kpop idols are coming for a concert that celebrating Eid. meh, maybe it's just me. As a Muslim, i know the significance of Eid. it's to celebrate the end of Ramadhan. //duhh we all know that. but back in Malaysia, Eid was supposed to mean more than just to celebrate Syawal. baju raya, a visit to the grave of your ancestors, ketupat, visiting your relatives, solat raya, rendang, mercun, duit raya, mercun bola, meriam buluh, mercun berudu, bunga api, lemang, kasut raya, dan macam macam mercun lagi.

you can't celebrate Eid unless you're with your family. YOU MUST BE IN CONTACT WITH YOUR FAMILY MEMBER IN ORDER TO CELEBRATE THE STEREOTYPICAL MALAYSIAN EID OMAGAD.

i am not a family-oriented person. i'm okay with them, but being with them suffocates me. the feelings i have for my family are similar to the feelings that i have for my housemates. get it? so now that i'm far away from my family and home;

i am still apathetic about Eid. it's like, it's okay if i don't celebrate it openly. it's okay if i don't break my back helping my mom to clean the house, bake cookies, cook and all those stuff. there's no pressure to celebrate. because i don't have to.

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i just got back from a friend's place. we did a little potluck with ketupat, rendang, ayam, nasi lemak, and all those stuff. it was fun. it's not the typical celebration that what i had back home, but it's enough.

i got home and had a little skype session with my family. my mom was like, "cuti berapa hari?" i laughed it off. "mana ada cuti. esok kelas habis pukul 6 lagi." and she said, "oh kesiannya, UQ tak bagi cuti ke? D:" NO MOM. THEY DON'T. i told her i made some nasi lemak and had a potluck complete with rendang and stuff cooked by my friends, and she said, "ape yang ade je lah, balik Malaysia nanti makan la ape nak." i don't know what she really meant by that. but it sounded like she thinks that i am having a bad time celebrating Eid here. lol.

i'm having fun here. much more fun.

she told me that my grandpa and grandma is getting old, with a very sad tone. I KNOW THAT MOM. i think she's purposely making me feel bad wtf. what do you want me to do mom? stop time? she really wants me to be miserable i swear. maybe that is not her intention at all but it sure seems like it to me. i love you because you're my mom. but you really need to stop hurting me.

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a lost meaning.