in the last 18 years in my life, i've spent 12 years of it living with grandma and grandpa. although i only got to see you on weekends and holidays, i've never felf that we were that distant. in fact, not being able to see you everyday made me appreciate the love you've given me even more. likewise, i think my other siblings feel the same way too.
after my UPSR examnination, i was accepted into a boarding school. however, after staying there for less than a month, i feel that boarding school is way to difficult to me, so i pleaded to you to get me out of that oh-so-boring school. and so, i got to live with you. (=^_^=) but in the month of august, i got another offer from another boarding school. i gave it another shot, but then i ended up crying my eyes out and somehow maneged to persuade you to get me out boarding school; for good. i know that i was wasting so much of your time and money. i'm sorry for being such a bother to you, mom and dad.
after the nomad period of my school life, i became a full-time student at a daily school; SMK Bukit Baru. here, i tried my best to keep myself out of trouble, but it was not that easy. since the school is filled with the drop-out gangsters from other school, the environment here is always somewhat hostile and uneasy. there's always a fight waiting to break up at any moment of the day. somehow, i managed to survive through highschool life, and got out of that place in one piece. i've got to admit, schooling there was somehow really, really fun; thanks to my fellow classmates and the ever so dedicated Mr. Ronald Hendricks, the one who is responsible for my involvement in the music/choir/gamelan team.. i really enjoyed being a part of the team, mom and dad..
out of all my siblings, you've always said that i was the peculiar one. the quiet one. the shy one. etc. all in all, i was the hardest one for you to understand, because you can't read my feelings by just looking at me. but it's okay, because you see; there's no need for you to understand me. i can't even understand myself!~ haha.. that is why i like taking personality quizzes! i know how much of a frustration i can be when it comes to expressing feelings.. that is why sometimes i don't do birthday and parentsday wishes.. it's not like i don't love you in anyway, but i just can't find the right way to do it.. but just realize one thing; i want to do everything in my power to please you. if i failed to do so, then my life won't have any meaning to it.
but then, i slipped up. my SPM result sucked. i know how much you wanted a doctor in a family, but i guess it was never meant to be. i know how much it pains you when hearing your friends talk about their daughters and sons who got to do meds. it hurts me to. i wasn't able to give you the thing you wanted most; and the frustration sometimes bring tears to my eyes, every night before i sleep. i guess being in the same class as the meds student doesn't help much at all.. haha~
so now, i'm trying my best to redeem myself. i'm not that 'emo' to dwell on the oh-so-tragic past.. i'm actually filled with optimism! so i can't rip living people hearts out; that's okay. maybe i can some how cross over into forensic science; i'll get to play with dead guys' intestines, liver, spleen, or whatever.. haha~ and if i can't do that either, i'll just settle for cutting off tree branches~ hmm.. that does sounds like boring.. uhh.. whatever~
mom and dad, please don't worry about me.. i'm not going to leave college like i left the boarding school(s). i promise i won't get homesick so much, etc. i'll be coming home at the end of this month, so i guess i can hold on till then.
i love u mom and dad~
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